Do you really want flowers this Mother’s Day?

Our confidential survey of busy moms uncovered what moms really want for Mother’s Day. Here are the nine gifts they’d buy for themselves, if only they’d been invented:

1. Pooperator 3000. No hands necessary. It changes smelly pants and clothing due to overflow issues. The Deluxe Version automatically empties the diaper pail and potty deposits. Please deliver to Renee Yarborough, one of this site’s bloggers, busy marketer and mother of an 13-month old girl.
2. The Whine-no-more. We would never suggest electric shock treatment for our kids, but the Whine- no-more (patent pending) delivers a gentle but palpable jolt when a child starts whining. The Whine-no-more 535b doesn’t leave an unpleasant odor like other rival machines. Cost? A lifetime of guilt.
3. The Mommy memory chip. This chip saves all the  lists you run through in your mind as you fall asleep and  you wake up.  It orders them in a logical sequence and prints them so they’re ready after you’ve had your first cup of coffee  and the kids are out the door.  Deliver to Anne Davies, busy working mother of two and Washington-DC foreign correspondent for The Sydney Morning Herald.
4. Declutterator. It sorts, it discards and catalogs.  The no-tears add-on can tell which school drawings need to be kept, and which can be discarded without guilt or artist’s tears. Just for you: Our Mother’s Day Special Declutterator can tell the difference between old and new homework. Don’t say we don’t listen to your feedback at MomstoWork.com.
5. The Drawer Dragon. Especially useful for mothers of fashionista girls.  The Drawer Dragon automatically and securely seals off cupboards and drawers after the second outfit for the day has been removed by small person. Programmable:  Change the daily outfit limit to suit your patience levels. Comes with new dragon’s roar alarm if an attempt is made to prise open the draw or cupboard. Deluxe version comes with electric fence force-field that emits a harmless but convincing electric shock.  Comes in pink, candy stripes and yellow. Please deliver to Jane Nicholls, NY-based mother of two girls and editor at large for People magazine.
6. The Toy Reassembler. Sick to death of finding bits of plastic toys on the floor, in the fridge, in your bed?  This night-time remote control will reassemble up to 1,000 Lego bits (or equivalent toys) and return them to their rightful spots while you sleep. Buy it from http://hasntbeeninventedyet.com.
7. Mommy3.0/Master Scheduler. Announces event, time, location, car pool seating requirements (car seats, as necessary). Master Scheduler merges car pooling needs into preexisting schedule data and coordinates overlapping or conflicting events, figures out how best to orchestrate and execute transport with what vehicle and driver, departure times, etc.. Upgrades: Coordinating car pool route and timing too, as well as options by sport or music, language, dance, other extracurricular activity.  Deliver to Mary Rubino, neighbor, president of PTA, editor and mother of four kids.
8. The Always Cold. A fridge gadget that ensures you’ll never be left high and dry without a cold drink in the fridge. It beeps when someone leaves empty wine bottles in the fridge, when the wine isn’t cold and when drinks need cooling. Say goodbye to those days of yelling at your spouse to bring a cold bottle home now. Send to Nicki Rowlands, mother of two toddlers, scholar, reporter, swimmer and queen of all party-givers.
9. The delouser. Removes nits in the curliest, thickest hair without tears, or even removing (much) hair. Put a squirmy lousy head near this gadget and the lice evaporate and never return …. letting nit and lice infected children return to school without parents employing expensive lice pickers at $90 an hour. Deliver to Nancy Jacobs, tour guide, swimming teacher, mother of three and social worker in Paris, France,  please. Oui Madam!

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