Middle School Sartorial Choice

Summer vacation is in full swing, my daughter is away at camp (she hasn’t written home yet, so I must assume she’s having too much fun to write Mom) and her final report card arrived today. She did terrific, earning a place on the honor roll.

Middle school (or as some call it, Junior High) is admittedly tough, and I can honestly say that the rites and rituals really haven’t significantly changed since I was of the age not quite a quarter century ago (in the mid-80s). This was the first academic year where my daughter was told flat out by her teachers that her academic performance would influence her choices in high school and college. What was interesting and at times, worrying, was that there were subjects she loved and others she didn’t hold as much affection for. This was the first year I worried about her performance in math, as it’s in middle school where girls start to lag behind their male counterparts. And I can say we’ve come a long way in encouraging our girls to participate in sports – I was a two sport Mom this year, but I think she may try private leagues next year to develop skills and more intensive coaching.

Socially, I can tell you that this was the year when it seemed nearly all of the girls she was friends with the year prior became…catty, although thankfully by the end of the year, she did find a few strong girlfriends. Oh. The. Socializing. With boys, in fact. Weekend evenings of driving since (rather unfortunately) our school district is geographically expansive, so sometimes my hot Friday nights included ~40 minutes of driving. (Which is exactly what you want to do after a long week. I’ll miss these days when she goes off to college, right?) This was the first year where I had to ask before social events “Will there be boys there?” Or “Will you be meeting them somewhere?” and “Where are the other parents?” To which I get a bewildered response of “So how do you know?” (I was your age once too, you know.) For the parents of my daughter’s best friend, a boy she liked who morphed into a friend, we each have our phone numbers on speed dial. For other parents, there’s been the awkward introductory emails or even more awkward greetings.

It was a year of (seemingly) hours in the bathroom getting ready for events, a few grumpy morning drives to school, the “Mommmm can I chat for a few more minutes before doing my homework?”, the “I don’t want to go to bed, I’m not tired” and the cross generational favorite, “But Mom, my friends are ALL going there/doing that/jumping off a bridge.” Some things never change, apparently, as I remember having more than a few of these exchanges back in the day. Mine were usually over long calls on the house phone (anybody remember the star code to interrupt a caller on a landline?), while these days it’s the cell phone, the text messaging, the Facebooking and the other forms of electronic communication.

It was a year of dealing with style and body image. “Mom I don’t look good at all!” I’d sometimes hear. Clothes weren’t that much of a problem, as there is a school dress code and pretty much all the kids shop at the same stores. Rather, the bigger problems were of finding shorts long enough (the girls learned to wear spandex underneath, which I thought ingenious), jeans that were reasonably in one piece and shirts that were stylish yet not that grown up. (Bra shopping, however, is a entirely different story.) It seems that the girls of today don’t wear as much makeup – some coverup, mascara, eyeliner and maybe some eyeshadow and gloss if it’s really special. On the other hand, back in the day, we only got tan if we went outside. I was asked permission to bleach and then color hair green and turquoise and about piercings. (Yes to the hair coloring, only after having my daughter talk to a stylist about the procedure and a no to the piercings, because you don’t want to alter your body now do you?) Of course, after I let my daughter bleach and color a few streaks of her hair a few times, the enthusiasm waned.

But boy, oh boy – this was the first school year did I ever feel I earned the grades on the report card I held in my hands…or perhaps I really did earn the encroaching gray hairs on my head.

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Breast cancer awareness

As part of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I wanted to share my Aunt’s five-year story of surviving breast cancer, which is chronicled on my cousin’s fun and witty blog, The Patriotic Baker. I’ve broken the excerpts into several posts, which we will be posting over the next week or two to raise awareness of breast cancer treatment:

I am  a 5- year breast cancer survivor. In May 2005, I felt a lump and had prompt treatment (thankfully, I had great doctors). My treatment included a lumpectomy, chemotherapy for 8 weeks and radiation for 6 weeks. My focus to beat this diagnosis was to keep a positive and humorous outlook and to create a few lists about my journey

My personal top ten fun reasons to get chemo

• You can get ready for work quickly, you don’t need to do your hair
• Don’t have to shave your legs
• Your children will do what ever you ask (maybe)
• Your husband will treat you like a princess (mine already did)
• Your don’t have to cook/clean/or do wash (unless you really want to)
• You get to avoid any occasion you really don’t want to go to (your blood counts might be low)
• You can eat anything that looks good
• You have a good reason not to exercise
• You can sleep in any time you want
• You have all the time to do those things you usually don’t have the time to do i.e. watch soaps, shopping (but you might not have the energy to do them)

Some thoughts about my journey:

• Family and friends make a great support system. Let them help.
• There were days I felt I had run a marathon just laying on the couch.
• Radiation: This was fun, when else can you get 4 tattoos in an afternoon. I now have more than my daughter (I think).
• I met many very courageous people who were taking the journey through cancer the same time I was.
• Celebrate, I went to Campabello, the Panama Canal, and on a zip line in Jamaica. This is important to have a goal to look forward to.
• Follow-up visits with surgeon, Oncologist, and Radiation Oncologist, keep them, go when they are scheduled.
• Mammograms and ultrasounds, again go when they are scheduled.
• Encourage others to do monthly self breast exams, get their mammograms and have regular checkups.
• Deal with the emotional aspect of re-occurrence.
• Get on with your life.

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• Bed rest blues…week four
• Bed rest blues, week one

This is a post about nothing much except blogging and my fat bum. That’s what we call our derrieres in Australia, where I come from.

I am sitting here again in my exercise clothes on my fat bum on my uncomfortable office chair without having cleaned my teeth, brushed my hair or done anything else other than work, write and tweet this morning.

I am the very model of a modern major cliche. The unkempt blogger.

It is now 10.15 a.m and I have missed the 8.30 a.m exercise class.

And so it goes. Most mornings. Really. I have the intention. I have the right exercise shoes. I have the ugly exercise pants. (They must be vinyl, they’ve lasted so long.) I have 40lbs of reasons.

Every morning the virtual world sucks me in. I go down, down, down, down into the fatty, BMI-increasing depths.

It is now 11 a.m.

Another class is over.

If I want to exercise, I have to stop reading posts like  Babble list of top 50 mom bloggers on Twitter (and have guilty, snarky, envious thoughts interspersed with awe and wonder …)

That prompted me to waste precious exercise time contemplating how I could become a more serious blogger,  like  PHdinParenting’s  “Babble’s Whitelist of Twitter Moms: Where’s the Diversity?”  or MamaBee ‘s post on sexism directed at moms.

Maybe I could be funnier.  MotherhoodNYC’s  post on being Internetless made me choke on my coffee.

My bloom, watered

Or I could be more useful. I got distracted by Pioneer Woman, and her 10 Important Things I’ve Learned About Blogging, which urged:

“Blog often: Whether you write a sixteen-paragraph essay about the cosmic implications of a free market system, a one-paragraph description of what happens to your soul when you walk into your godforsaken laundry room, or a simple photo and caption, consider your blog a precious bloom that requires daily nurturing.”

Okay, bloom, consider yourself watered.

Maybe I should aim to be a skinnier blogger. On that note, it is not too late to try the lunchtime class.

Bye.

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What we want Renee to have, a beautiful sleeping healthy child like this one

I’m still pregnant, hooray!  Amniotic fluid levels according to this week’s ultrasound is in the high-normal range.  No signs of infection.  I’m IV free, I have “outside privileges” (a.k.a. I can go into the “yard.”)  Baby is approximately 2.2 lbs and I am 27 weeks.

On Friday, I was told I could go home on Sunday as long as all goes well.  I may be in that small 10% of the 3% of women with pPROM  (preterm premature rupture of membranes, a.k.a, your water breaks prior to 37 weeks)  that heal.  Friday night, I start leaking again.  Saturday night, complete rupture.  Amniotic fluid levels are now 4-5, much below normal.  Baby is now in the head down position, ready to be born.  I’m dilated 2-3.  With pPROM, they won’t do a traditional exam because it ups the risk of infection so the rough estimate is the best they can give me.  Since I’m not having contractions, and the risk of infection is much worse than not knowing an exact figure, I’m not worried.

So, back to square one.   I will be staying in the hospital.  I’m restricted to the 6th floor (Labor & Delivery) as the Doctor would prefer I don’t “have the baby in the cafeteria”.  No more decaf Starbucks, although, I did tell my doctor that he is now in charge of picking it up for me.  But, as long as I can keep this child cooking, it’s a good trade off.

Everyone tells me that I’m handling this well.  My goal is to give this little “booger” as we (husband, family, nursing staff and me) call the babe, the best fighting chance he can have.  As my friend Angela put it, more eloquently, I’m all he has right now.  I think back to my first pregnancy when I would talk to my two friends that have kids and ask if I was stupid to worry about this and that when the baby was not even born yet.  They both told me that becoming a Mom happens the minute the test turns positive.  They were as right then as they are now.

In my free time, I’ve found some not so cheesy sites about bed rest that are good for the entire family to read.  (Excellent sources for spouses, family, etc. who think that your “extended vacation” can’t be that bad.)  They explain the toll, mentally and physically of bed rest.  Some give ideas on how to pass the time.

I say, do what you want to do.  Read if you wish.  Yell at people who offer to buy you books if every person you know has offered that (yup, it will happen).   You don’t have to feel guilty about any emotion you are having.

What ever you do, remind yourself that this is temporary.  For me, I figure it’s the time worth putting in now, for the heath of my child for a lifetime.

What to expect with pregnancy bedrest

Coping with staying in bed while pregnant

http://fpb.case.edu/Bedrest/Families/online.shtm

http://fpb.case.edu/Bedrest/index.shtm

Photo: Hannah and her adorable binky by http://www.flickr.com/photos/eraphernalia_vintage/  See more photos by EraphernaliaVintage at http://www.flickr.com/photos/28510393@N07/3189510286/

Courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons.

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This is not renee! She's in hospital on pregnancy bedrest

As many of you know, my husband and I are expecting a bouncing baby boy in early January.  Or, at least that was the plan.

On September 13th  at 23 weeks pregnant, my water broke.  Not a full break.  It is more accurate to say that I’m leaking amniotic fluid.  The diagnostic term is Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes or pPROM.

If all goes well and according to my doctor’s plan, I’ll stay pregnant, here in the hospital, on bed rest until 34 weeks and deliver.  Either way, we know we’re expecting a preemie.  As for how preemie, that is the question.

For those of us who are on bed rest, whether at home, or in the hospital, the feeling can be overwhelming.  You know you are doing this for the heath of you child and like any parent are willing to do anything it takes to ensure your child is healthy, but that does not make the difficulty go away.

Once, you were an active pregnant woman.  Perhaps like me, a mom of other children.  Suddenly, you can’t even hold your child.  In some instances, you cannot even get out of bed to use the restroom on your own.  You feel as if you have lost all control over your life.  Like a prisoner, people bring you your meals at a set time.  If you are in the hospital, you get no sleep on top of your ‘rest’ because people are checking in on you EVERY HOUR.

Bed rest….week one….

Room is very small.  Slept in small increments as nurses had to come in and give me IV antibiotics, steroid shots to help boost the baby’s lung development (you get these shots in the hip/back above the bum.  In my case at 2 a.m. two days in a row).

Nursing assistants are constantly taking temperature to ensure that I’m not spiking a fever (sign of uterine infection that will cause me to have to deliver) and blood pressure.

Meet my new high-risk OBs.  They have the MOST wonderful nurse (I’ll call her Ms. M).  Meet the head of NICU who explains a bit of what will happen if I deliver now.

Schedule tour of NICU with Ms. M in the event we deliver so we know what to expect.

Husband and I scramble to try to find child care (grandparents are many, many hours away).  Husband is off for first two days of the week.  Child care found.  Spend next few days trying to call everyone we know to develop child care schedule for the next three weeks.

Miss our good friends wedding.  The bride, was one of my bridesmaids.  The groom was the best man at my wedding.  My husband and I introduced them.

I miss my little girl.  This is a hard, hard week.

Photo, courtesy of Flicker Creative Commons, by threedayblog

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For those of you who have been following Mom2′s “The second time around” posts, I have a confession to make. I am Mom2. Me. Renee. Your friendly MTWer.

So far, this pregnancy has had its strange moments, but all seems to be well now. I’m off restricted duty and back to a normal life.

I’ve hit the 20 week mark, the halfway point. Also, my husband and I discovered yesterday at out 20 week ultrasound that we’re having a boy. So, now we will have one of each and will be done.

There are 10 fingers and 10 toes accounted for, all other measurements are falling into the correct ranges. The one finding on the ultrasound showed a choriod plexus cyst on one side of the brain. According to the site OBFocus, these cysts are found in about 1% to 3% of all mid-pregnancy ultrasounds and normally resolve by 28 weeks.

For those who read my first post “The second time around”, we had this same scare with our daughter, which required us to have an amnio. If that is the case again, well, so be it. We overcame a 50-50 chance last time. All the other “soft markers” of Edwards Syndrome (a trisomy disorder in the 18th set of chromomosomes, which normally results in fetal death) were not there. Those include:
- closed fists with over lapping fingers
- clubbed feet
-strawberry shaped head
-thicker nuchal fold at the back of the neck

For more information on Choroid Plexus Cysts and Edwards Syndrome markers visit:
http://www.obfocus.com/high-risk/birthdefects/choroidplexus.htm.

Until my next update, wish us luck. I’ll keep everyone posted.

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It’s official.  In two short months, I will be joining the millions of Americans that are unemployed. 

With a 16-month-old, and another on the way, my mission is to cut costs now, while my family still has two pay checks.

My first place to cut back, the grocery store.  I have an addiction to the grocery store.   I grew up in a house with plenty of food, but oh, the pretty shiny produce, organic foods, and well, cheese, how I adore thee! 

Last weekend was my first step in saving big.  I went to a great store called Aldi.  It’s a discount grocery, with few if any name brands.  What I got, a cart of fruit, veggies, snacks for the little one, salad dressings, milk, more all for $100.  That’s right, $100.   Alarmed by the thought of a discount grocery?  Don’t be.  Things actually taste good.  While Aldi does require you to pay 25 cents to “rent” the cart, and you need to pack your own bags, it’s well worth it.  To find an Aldi near you, visit www.aldi.com.

To buy organic or not to buy organic

I’m a big fan of organic but now, I need to face reality.  Organic mac and cheese (at around $3.00 per box) might be able to go and be replaced by the 35 cent box I found at Aldi’s.  What are the best things to buy organic?   According to foodnews.org the dirty dozen (or those laden with the most chemicals include:

• Fruits like: peaches, apples, nectaries, strawberries, cherries, grapes (imported) and pears
• Veggies like:  bell peppers, celery, kale, lettuce (includes spinach) and carrots.

To down load a handy pocket guide on organic must haves: 

http://www.foodnews.org/walletguide.php

Moneysavingmom.com has a great list of ways to slash your grocery bill without clipping coupons.  To see the full list, click here.

And, if you want to go the coupon route, here is an article on coupon stacking (I’ve never heard of this but it is brilliant) to help cut the cost of grocery bills.  For more on coupon stacking check out this link.

How do you help cut costs around the house or on groceries?

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“The second time around” is a journal of a second pregnancy.  Mom2 has a beautiful, energetic toddler.  Since only family and close friends currently know she’s pregnant, she’s keeping her identity under wraps until she’s ready to shout the great news from the roof tops at work, or until her belly gives it away for her.

The weird

12th week of pregnancy.  According to all I read, this is a great time.  Sickness should begin disappearing, energy should be coming back.  At 12 weeks 2 days, I wake up with itchy painful rash all over stomach, back and breasts that is rapidly moving to my arms and legs, up the back of my neck and into my hairline at the nape of my neck. 

I call the OB office first thing, after two hours of waiting in misery I decide to visit my local urgent care center.  Allergic dermatitis is ruled out.  I’m not using any new soaps, lotions etc.  The doctor’s diagnosis, pregnancy rash. 

From what I read on Google that morning, it’s WAY too early for pregnancy rash to start.  According to most sites, the most common rash in pregnancy is called PUPPs (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy (or just itchy skin bumps).  According to almost every site this rash is:

• Most common in first pregnancies
• Usually occurs in the third trimester with the average onset being between 35-36 weeks and disappears after delivery although in some rare cases can arrive as early as 20 weeks.
• Is worse at night leading to insomnia (due to the intense itching)
• Does not affect the face, neck, hands or feet.
• Usually appears around the area of stretch marks.

This is my second pregnancy.  I’m 12 weeks.  It’s on my neck, and I have no stretch marks.  Hmmm.  Doc gives me prednisone and tells me I can take a Benadryl before bed.

Not me. But 1% of pregnant women endure this torture called PUPPs

The scary

It’s a Sunday.  I feel like crap this day but manage clean the kitchen before the Department of Health shuts it down.  (Ok, it wasn’t that bad, but you know the feeling).  I start bleeding a lot, very quickly.  Husband, child and I pack up and head to the ER.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.

Four hours, a couple more bleeding episodes and two ultrasounds later both mom and baby are fine. 

At the visit with the OB two days later I’m told that I probably have a small placental abruption where the placenta tears away from the uterine wall.  I’m given another ultra sound.  Baby is still looking fine.  My cervix remains closed.  No signs of visible blood collecting behind the placenta in the ultrasound.  All very good signs. 

I’m told that I’m now on “restricted activity.”  Not bed rest.  I can lift my 25lb kid, but must take it very easy and am on pelvic rest.  The hope is that the tear will repair itself. 

First thing Monday, I go for the PAPP-A diagnostic ultrasound.  From there, we will figure out if I need to be seen every week, or every two weeks.  Doctor is also looking into mystery rash as he has doubts that it is the pregnancy rash because it’s too early as my hormone levels are just not high enough at 12 weeks.

For the time being, my holiday weekend will consist of relaxing, and eating to gain back the 5 lbs. I lost.  I may take the little one to the pool.  She’ll be lighter in water and I really want to wear the cute little maternity suit I bought! 

Happy 4th everyone!

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How does she do it all? That’s what we wanted to find out.

“Expecting too much of yourself is a sure fire way to never feeling like you have accomplished something,” says Jeanette McLeod, a mother of four, who runs an online publishing business, Wizz-E, from her home in London, UK. Follower her on Twitter at @JeanetteMcLeod.

Wizz-e's magic book site. Jeanette's She's active on the Web and worth following on Twitter.

MomstoWork interviewed Jeanette to see how she manages to juggle work and family from a home office.

Either you are superwoman or you are well organized: How do manage four kids and a small business?

Ha ha ha. I think ALL mums are superwomen! We are naturally talented at multi-tasking. I do run my own business around the kids but other things [like housework] sometimes get left!

Because I am at home more I have found that the kids are actually less demanding. They need to know you are there but they
are also happy to play by themselves.

How do you apply the skills you learned as a former project manager balancing work and family?

Yes,  I was a project manager in a former life which helps in terms of
prioritizing tasks. And sometimes you have to recognize that certain
tasks aren’t that important. The kids come first and the rest has to
just fit in. You will NEVER have enough hours in the day. You just
have to focus on doing the things that matter the most. And then not
give yourself a hard time over the things you didn’t accomplish.

Do you work from a home office? If so, how do you telegraph to your family and friends that you are, indeed, at work?

Yes, I work from home. The kids know that when the door is closed then mummy is on the phone. When the door isn’t closed they are free to come and go. It creates a real and virtual boundary. I think that is important for you to have your own workspace too (although my office is full of toys!).

When do things go wrong? And what have you learned from experience about making everything go smoothly?

I can’t say I am an expert at making everything go smoothly. You can
only do your best. I generally do not answer the phone when I have the kids, instead I will wait until they are otherwise occupied and call back. That way they know that when I am there I am there for them.

Do you make time each week for social activities outside your kids and
work?

Sure! At weekends I try not to work. I also try to take time for me by
going to the gym/yoga. But most mum’s will recognize that time for
‘you’ is often at the bottom of the list!

How do you schedule such a busy life?

I have to have everything written on the calender or I’d forget! I
have even been known to set a reminder on my mobile phone to remember to collect them from school!!! I always have a ‘to do’ list that is reasonable. Expecting too much of yourself is a sure fire way to never feeling like you have accomplished something.

Did you ever stay at home full time with your kids without paid work?
No. Until I set up by myself I went ‘out to work’. I now have much
more time with the kids on my terms.

What prompted you to start an online publishing business?

I am passionate about getting kids reading more. I recognised that
children can learn to develop a love of books and spend more time
reading when it is fun. As a busy parent myself it is not always easy
to find opportunities to read aloud. I wanted to make screen time
educational time too. So http://www.wizz-e.com was a way that kids
could use the computer, have fun and be reading at the same time.

Jeanette’s site, Wizz-e.com, brings the magic of books to life for young children. Read along to the story, watch the animated illustrations or click on a word to hear it spoken. Try a free ebook.

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“The second time around” is a journal of a second pregnancy.  Mom2 has a beautiful, energetic toddler.  Since only family and close friends currently know she’s pregnant, she’s keeping her identity under wraps until she’s ready to shout the great news from the roof tops at work, or until her belly gives it away for her.

Pregnant Again

My husband and I have always been pretty sure we wanted a second child we just weren’t sure when.  We knew we didn’t too many years to go by in between.

So when I woke up one Friday morning about nine weeks ago with that familiar light-headed feeling, and the voice in the back of my mind telling me to go buy a test I listened.

Test is negative.

Next day, I watch the toddler of a friend, a girlfriend comes over to help, have dinner and wine (not a lot mind you, we were watching sleeping toddlers), during dinner after the babes are asleep, I say something to my friend to the effect of, ‘two are hard’.

The next Monday, take test again…very faint positive.  Six tests later, I’m pregnant.

Every Pregnancy’s Different

My first pregnancy was a breeze.  No sickness, no grumpiness, just some fatigue.  This time, I experience my first sensations of sick, major hormone swings and tiredness that makes getting up to go to the bathroom a challenge.

Add to that mix an already active toddler who is fighting sleeping through the night does not make for a happy mom.  I’m beginning to find it’s hard to work.  Hell, it’s hard all around.  I have no appetite.  When I eat, I feel like puking.  I never did throw up, just a couple of cases where I was pretty sure it was going to happen.

A good friend who is a veteran Mom and my source of all things, “what the heck do I do,” reminds me that feeling like you’re going to puke is a good thing.  I try to remind myself of that.

The Toddler

While the above is going on, my toddler decides that now is the perfect time to start her clingy phase and that only Mom can hold her and make her better.  Daddy is trying to help more, but toddler wants Mom after only five minutes with Dad.  This is still going on.

First OB appointment

According to my doc, my uterus feels like an 8 week pregnant uterus, or, to quote him, “the size of a good orange.  Not the kind you get at the Shop N Save, but the kind you get from Harry and Davids.”  So, I’m an orange.  That’s good.

Next month, I’m scheduled for the “Papp A” test.  I’m told that the test uses an in depth ultrasound to measure the fold at the back of the baby’s neck, combined with a blood test to tell me if we have a higher risk of a Down Syndrome baby or a baby with Trisiomy 18, also know as Edward’s syndrome.  The test also looks for a nasal bone in the baby.  If present, the lower the chance of a baby with Down Syndrome.

During my last pregnancy, I had a funky Triple Screen blood test.  The result of this blood test told us that we had a 1:2 chance (yeah, 50-50) chance that our child could have Edwards Syndrome.

Edwards Syndrome is a chromosomal disorder.  It differs from Downs Syndrome in the fact that most fetuses don’t make it to term or if they do, pass away soon after ward.

I for one, am not the kind of person that can carry a baby that I know will die.  Especially not with a 1:2 chance.

Amnio scheduled.  Husband passes out at amnio.  I start bawling hysterically as there is a large needle sticking out of my stomach and husband is unconscious.

Long story short, all was well in the end.  Baby has the correct number of chromosomes, husband got smelling salts and juice and strict orders to eat. But this prior experience is making me nervous as hell about next month’s upcoming test.

If only I would have been able to hear the heart beat at the first appointment, I think I would feel better.

Have any of you had a scary test in pregnancy?  Any advice to help quell my fears until July?   Anything that will help peel the toddler off me?

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